My talk from the funeral

I have inherited several traits from my dad. One of those is the lack of ability to remember much from my childhood. If there is a picture taken of certain events that I grew up seeing, then I’m more likely to remember it. My dad was the same way. If you asked him about his childhood, he only had a handful of stories to tell. He also didn’t like to speak in front of a crowd. I think I’ve inherited this as well. He owes me big time for this. Given those two traits this shouldn't be a very long talk and there is a good chance I could get some of the information wrong.

In November of 2009, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We knew from the beginning that there was no cure. He started a treatment option that worked for about a year until his body became resistant to it. He suffered a great deal of pain through out this ordeal. Three weeks ago my mom took my dad to the emergency room because he was in so much pain that she had to do something. We weren’t expecting the news that he only had a few days to live. We are so grateful that we were given almost three weeks to spend with him. To laugh and to cry. My dad has never been the serious type. He is always teasing to help ease the tension. The first day at the hospital was spent in tears as we tried to cope with the news. The second day he had us laughing so hard we had tears again. It could have just been the pain medication, but when he was awake he tried to make those that visited laugh. We are grateful for the many people that have stopped by and said hello. It has given us an opportunity to laugh and to cry. He was loved by so many as is evident here today.

When one of the hospice people met with us at the hospital, he gave us a talk by Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles entitled “Doors of Death.” This talk was such a comfort to us these past few weeks, that a lot of my talk will be from this source.

In Doctrine & Covenants 42:45 it states “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” Elder Nelson says “Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.“

I want the grandkids to know that it is alright to be sad, it shows Grandpa how much we love him and will miss him. It is also okay to be happy. Grandpa would want his grandkids to be happy. We are happy that Grandpa isn’t in pain anymore and that he is at peace. We will be with him again someday.

Paul H. Dunn related the following story that is probably used often at funerals:
“In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine sailing-ship spreads its brilliant white canvas in a fresh morning breeze and sails out to the open sea. We watch her glide away magnificently through the deep blue and gradually see her grow smaller and smaller as she nears the horizon. Finally, where the sea and sky meet, she slips silently from sight; and someone near me says, “There, she is gone!”

Gone where? Gone from sight -- that is all. She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still just as able to bear her load. And we can be sure that, just as we say, “There, she is gone!” another says, “There, she comes!”

I know that my dad has been reunited with his family. For us it is sad that he is gone and that so many members of his family have passed away. But, I like to think of the reunion he is having right now with all of them. I imagine, now that John and Don have my dad back on their team, that Jill and Karla are enduring a lot of teasing.

In Alma chapter 40 we learn a little bit about what happens after death:
11 Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.
12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.

It was such a great experience to be able to go to the funeral home yesterday and help dress my dad. Seeing my dad at rest and no longer in pain is a great comfort to our family.

The grandkids just sang the song “Families can be together forever.” I love this song because it gives us peace at this difficult time. The knowledge that our family can be together again in Heaven is the peace that can sustain us as we deal with the loss of my dad. My parents were married in the Manti LDS Temple. There they were sealed not just for time, but for Time and All Eternity.

Elder Nelson relates the following story:
I remember vividly an experience I had as a passenger in a small two-propeller airplane. One of its engines suddenly burst open and caught on fire. The propeller of the flaming engine was starkly stilled. As we plummeted in a steep spiral dive toward the earth, I expected to die. Some of the passengers screamed in hysterical panic. Miraculously, the precipitous dive extinguished the flames. Then, by starting up the other engine, the pilot was able to stabilize the plane and bring us down safely.

Throughout that ordeal, though I “knew” death was coming, my paramount feeling was that I was not afraid to die. I remember a sense of returning home to meet ancestors for whom I had done temple work. I remember my deep sense of gratitude that my sweetheart and I had been sealed eternally to each other and to our children, born and reared in the covenant. I realized that our marriage in the temple was my most important accomplishment. Honors bestowed upon me by men could not approach the inner peace provided by sealings performed in the house of the Lord.

The Family: A Proclamation to the world begins with the assurance that
“marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and... the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

Elder Nelson states: “That proclamation on the family helps us realize that celestial marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other relationship. The earth was created and this Church was restored so that families could be formed, sealed, and exalted eternally.”

Like all of us, my dad was not perfect. To fully understand the significance of where he is today we have to remember the struggles and sacrifices he made to get there. While my parent’s marriage in the temple was a joyful union, it was about 20 years before my dad went to the temple again. My dad wandered off of the path that he knew he should be on. He could see that his family was on a different path than he was, that he was missing out on many responsibilities and opportunities. I don’t know exactly when or where, but at some point my dad must have thought about these things. It might have been in a conversation with a friend, or after hearing someone give a talk, or remembering what he had learned when he was younger, or just seeing the example of good people. It was probably a lot of these things together. But he made a choice to take a step in the direction of the Gospel. It was an uphill climb for him with many struggles along the way. He didn’t have to go up that hill alone. The Lord put in place many good people that helped him along the way, to pull him up when he stumbled, to bring him back to where he wanted and needed to be. Those were difficult years, but my mom never gave up on him. She is, and always has been, an example to me of patience and unconditional love. My dad did come back and was able to baptize Jeremy and eventually be at the temple when each of his children was married. I am grateful for the sacrifices he made to change his life around and allow us to be at the point we are today. I want to thank him, because if he had not done that, this day would be a lot more devastating to face.

By his example, my dad has taught me about faith and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Jesus knew that we would make mistakes. He provided a way for us to repent and find our way back to the path. The third Article of Faith teaches: We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

The experience in watching my dad pass away has taught me many things. One of which is that life here on earth is unpredictable.

Elder Nelson states “We who tarry here have a few precious moments remaining “to prepare to meet God.” (Alma 34:32) Unfinished business is our worst business. Perpetual procrastination must yield to perceptive preparation. Today we have a little more time to bless others -- time to be kinder, more compassionate, quicker to thank and slower to scold, more generous in sharing, more gracious in caring. Then when our turn comes to pass through the doors of death, we can say as did Paul in Second Timothy “The time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” (2 Tim. 4:6-7)

I am grateful for Jesus Christ who made repentance and resurrection possible. I am grateful to my dad for all of the small moments; teaching me how to not throw like a girl; teaching me to be a hard worker; teaching me to respect others; being there at dance recitals and choir concerts; taking our family places; for family movie and popcorn nights. I know he loves his family. We love him so much and are going to miss him.

A final quote from Elder Nelson, “Cherish each moment as a blessing from God.”