My talk from the funeral

I have inherited several traits from my dad. One of those is the lack of ability to remember much from my childhood. If there is a picture taken of certain events that I grew up seeing, then I’m more likely to remember it. My dad was the same way. If you asked him about his childhood, he only had a handful of stories to tell. He also didn’t like to speak in front of a crowd. I think I’ve inherited this as well. He owes me big time for this. Given those two traits this shouldn't be a very long talk and there is a good chance I could get some of the information wrong.

In November of 2009, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. We knew from the beginning that there was no cure. He started a treatment option that worked for about a year until his body became resistant to it. He suffered a great deal of pain through out this ordeal. Three weeks ago my mom took my dad to the emergency room because he was in so much pain that she had to do something. We weren’t expecting the news that he only had a few days to live. We are so grateful that we were given almost three weeks to spend with him. To laugh and to cry. My dad has never been the serious type. He is always teasing to help ease the tension. The first day at the hospital was spent in tears as we tried to cope with the news. The second day he had us laughing so hard we had tears again. It could have just been the pain medication, but when he was awake he tried to make those that visited laugh. We are grateful for the many people that have stopped by and said hello. It has given us an opportunity to laugh and to cry. He was loved by so many as is evident here today.

When one of the hospice people met with us at the hospital, he gave us a talk by Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles entitled “Doors of Death.” This talk was such a comfort to us these past few weeks, that a lot of my talk will be from this source.

In Doctrine & Covenants 42:45 it states “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” Elder Nelson says “Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.“

I want the grandkids to know that it is alright to be sad, it shows Grandpa how much we love him and will miss him. It is also okay to be happy. Grandpa would want his grandkids to be happy. We are happy that Grandpa isn’t in pain anymore and that he is at peace. We will be with him again someday.

Paul H. Dunn related the following story that is probably used often at funerals:
“In a beautiful blue lagoon on a clear day, a fine sailing-ship spreads its brilliant white canvas in a fresh morning breeze and sails out to the open sea. We watch her glide away magnificently through the deep blue and gradually see her grow smaller and smaller as she nears the horizon. Finally, where the sea and sky meet, she slips silently from sight; and someone near me says, “There, she is gone!”

Gone where? Gone from sight -- that is all. She is still as large in mast and hull and sail, still just as able to bear her load. And we can be sure that, just as we say, “There, she is gone!” another says, “There, she comes!”

I know that my dad has been reunited with his family. For us it is sad that he is gone and that so many members of his family have passed away. But, I like to think of the reunion he is having right now with all of them. I imagine, now that John and Don have my dad back on their team, that Jill and Karla are enduring a lot of teasing.

In Alma chapter 40 we learn a little bit about what happens after death:
11 Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.
12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.

It was such a great experience to be able to go to the funeral home yesterday and help dress my dad. Seeing my dad at rest and no longer in pain is a great comfort to our family.

The grandkids just sang the song “Families can be together forever.” I love this song because it gives us peace at this difficult time. The knowledge that our family can be together again in Heaven is the peace that can sustain us as we deal with the loss of my dad. My parents were married in the Manti LDS Temple. There they were sealed not just for time, but for Time and All Eternity.

Elder Nelson relates the following story:
I remember vividly an experience I had as a passenger in a small two-propeller airplane. One of its engines suddenly burst open and caught on fire. The propeller of the flaming engine was starkly stilled. As we plummeted in a steep spiral dive toward the earth, I expected to die. Some of the passengers screamed in hysterical panic. Miraculously, the precipitous dive extinguished the flames. Then, by starting up the other engine, the pilot was able to stabilize the plane and bring us down safely.

Throughout that ordeal, though I “knew” death was coming, my paramount feeling was that I was not afraid to die. I remember a sense of returning home to meet ancestors for whom I had done temple work. I remember my deep sense of gratitude that my sweetheart and I had been sealed eternally to each other and to our children, born and reared in the covenant. I realized that our marriage in the temple was my most important accomplishment. Honors bestowed upon me by men could not approach the inner peace provided by sealings performed in the house of the Lord.

The Family: A Proclamation to the world begins with the assurance that
“marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and... the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

Elder Nelson states: “That proclamation on the family helps us realize that celestial marriage brings greater possibilities for happiness than does any other relationship. The earth was created and this Church was restored so that families could be formed, sealed, and exalted eternally.”

Like all of us, my dad was not perfect. To fully understand the significance of where he is today we have to remember the struggles and sacrifices he made to get there. While my parent’s marriage in the temple was a joyful union, it was about 20 years before my dad went to the temple again. My dad wandered off of the path that he knew he should be on. He could see that his family was on a different path than he was, that he was missing out on many responsibilities and opportunities. I don’t know exactly when or where, but at some point my dad must have thought about these things. It might have been in a conversation with a friend, or after hearing someone give a talk, or remembering what he had learned when he was younger, or just seeing the example of good people. It was probably a lot of these things together. But he made a choice to take a step in the direction of the Gospel. It was an uphill climb for him with many struggles along the way. He didn’t have to go up that hill alone. The Lord put in place many good people that helped him along the way, to pull him up when he stumbled, to bring him back to where he wanted and needed to be. Those were difficult years, but my mom never gave up on him. She is, and always has been, an example to me of patience and unconditional love. My dad did come back and was able to baptize Jeremy and eventually be at the temple when each of his children was married. I am grateful for the sacrifices he made to change his life around and allow us to be at the point we are today. I want to thank him, because if he had not done that, this day would be a lot more devastating to face.

By his example, my dad has taught me about faith and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Jesus knew that we would make mistakes. He provided a way for us to repent and find our way back to the path. The third Article of Faith teaches: We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

The experience in watching my dad pass away has taught me many things. One of which is that life here on earth is unpredictable.

Elder Nelson states “We who tarry here have a few precious moments remaining “to prepare to meet God.” (Alma 34:32) Unfinished business is our worst business. Perpetual procrastination must yield to perceptive preparation. Today we have a little more time to bless others -- time to be kinder, more compassionate, quicker to thank and slower to scold, more generous in sharing, more gracious in caring. Then when our turn comes to pass through the doors of death, we can say as did Paul in Second Timothy “The time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.” (2 Tim. 4:6-7)

I am grateful for Jesus Christ who made repentance and resurrection possible. I am grateful to my dad for all of the small moments; teaching me how to not throw like a girl; teaching me to be a hard worker; teaching me to respect others; being there at dance recitals and choir concerts; taking our family places; for family movie and popcorn nights. I know he loves his family. We love him so much and are going to miss him.

A final quote from Elder Nelson, “Cherish each moment as a blessing from God.”

Russell K. Roberts

Exactly one week after the reservoir, I got the news that would change my life.

My mom had taken my dad to the Riverton Hospital Emergency Room the night before. She was hoping that they could give him some pain medication to help ease the intense pain that he was in. A CT scan found that his cancer had spread to his kidney's and they transferred him to IMC in Murray to be admitted. The next morning the doctor came in and told my mom and sister that my dad only had a few days to live. Thank goodness Heidi had gotten there before the doctor came in so that my mom was not alone. We were not prepared for this news. We knew the cancer had been spreading, we knew that there was no cure, but there had never been any talk of how long he had left. To suddenly have only a few days was heart breaking. I spend the first night with my mom at the hospital. She had been awake the entire night before in the ER and was exhausted. It was a very long night. My dad would wake up every 10-15 minutes and want to sit up. He couldn't do this on his own, so I would have to lift him into sitting position. Then he would want to stand up. I would lift him up and hold him there for a few minutes until he was ready to sit back down. Then I would help him to lay down again and he would be instantly asleep. He would wake up 15 minutes later and we would repeat the same pattern. This went on all night long. We later learned that this was caused by anxiety. They were able to give him some anxiety medication so this didn't occur again. Even though it was a really hard night for me. I would do it again in a heart beat. It was like getting a giant hug from my dad every 15 minutes, all night long. It was such a blessing to be able to serve him.

We all spent most of our time at the hospital. He was still awake and alert. Joking around with the nurses and everyone that came in to see him. He didn't seem like a man who was dying. I was in denial big time. It was an easier emotion to deal with. We were able to bring him home from the hospital with hospice on Sunday, August 14th.

This was Aaron and my 14th anniversary. Just a side track here. Back in July, Aaron and I were planning a trip for our anniversary. We had it all planned out. We were going to Portland, OR. We had babysitting figured out, we knew places that we wanted to visit, what hotel we were going to stay at, and what flight we were going to take. For some reason we kept forgetting to book the flight & hotel. Then we finally sat down to do it, we just didn't feel right about going on this trip. We couldn't figure out why, but we decided not to go. Now I know why.

At home we started taking shifts to stay with my mom and dad. I was at there house everyday for the next three weeks. My kids would come and hang out in the basement while I helped my mom. My dad would have good days and bad. He slept about 23 hours a day. When he was awake, he would want to get up and go to the bathroom. It took two of us to get him up and in there. For a while he was still able to go sit in his recliner. When he was awake he would joke around with anyone that was there.

On Wednesday, my mom was going through the ads. She was talking about the Article Circle ad. They had Huckleberry Shakes. My dad, who we thought was asleep, said he wanted a Ranch Burger. He really hadn't been eating much for so long, that we were surprised. We suggested a few other things that were closer, like a Whopper or a burger from Wendy's. But no, he wanted a Ranch Burger. So, Heidi and I went and got him a Ranch Burger. He ate about 1/4 of the burger and a few fries. I asked him if it was everything he had hoped for, he said it sounded a lot better than it tasted. I think this was the last meal that he really ate. He tried a little food the next day, but started throwing up after a few bites. He completely stopped eating on Friday, the 19th.

We had many spiritual experiences the last few days of my dad's life. The veil is very thin and I know that his family was there to bring him home. My mom, Heidi, Jeremy and I were all there with him the day he past away. He was unresponsive the entire day so we knew the end was near. The last few minutes of his life were very difficult to watch. He was in so much pain and fighting with all he had to stay with us. We were all in tears, begging him to stop fighting. I started to pray. I prayed with all my might that God would take him home and end the suffering. After I finished my prayer my dad's breathing began to slow. He past away at 11:30pm on Monday, August 29, 2011.

We held his funeral on Friday, September 2, 2011. We kept his funeral short and sweet. Just like he would want it. I am going to post my talk after this. The week before the funeral was so busy trying to get everything ready that it doesn't give you much time to grieve. I've found that grieving takes time. It seems to be getting harder and harder as each day passes. I miss my dad more that words can say. Everything around me reminds me of my dad and that he is no longer on this earth with us.

During the viewing they had a video of pictures of my dad playing. Every time I saw this picture it just felt like my dad was over in the corner reading his paper. This picture reminds me so much of him.

Our unknown hero

I've been putting off writing this for a while now. How do I write about the worst month of my life?
Let's start at the reservoir.
The first week of August we went to Blackridge Reservoir with the Ashby cousins. We were having a great time. The weather wasn't great, but the kids were having fun playing in the sand. I don't remember Lindsey even going into the water. But she was floating in a tube type floaty that has a bottom to it. She was with Whitney (also in a floaty) and Cassidy. The winds picked up and she started to float away. She called out to Whitney to help her. Whitney tried to get to her, but ended up tipping her own floaty over. She thought that she could touch, but she couldn't. Luckily we have really been practicing this summer at our pool and Whitney was able to swim back to the shore. Meanwhile, Cassidy comes running to me to tell me about Lindsey. By this point Lindsey is far away down the beach. She had floated out past the boey and was in deep water. I take off into the water to get to her. It was a stupid move, because you can't move very fast in the water. At this point Lindsey is panicking. She is screaming and desperate to get to the shore. I am yelling to her to stay calm. She somehow had grabbed Whitney's floaty when she tipped, so she had two. Then Lindsey's floaty tipped. She was holding on to the handles of the two floaties and they formed a teepee over her head. I got to the point where I couldn't touch anymore and I didn't know what to do. I can't swim well enough to get out to her. Just then a stranger who had watched everything unfold dove into the water and swam out to Lindsey. She was able to bring her safely to me. I don't know what I would have done without the heroics of this stranger. I know that Heavenly Father was protecting Lindsey that day. He put that woman in that place at that time because he knew I wouldn't be able to help her. I am so grateful for to her. I don't know her name, but she will always be my hero.

Afterwards, the what if and the should have done thoughts we consuming me. I was a mess. My girls were a mess. Aaron was out of town for the week. We had another night where the kids all slept in my room. (Apparently after terrifying events this is what we do. It's been a rough summer!) I knew I needed a blessing because I just couldn't get past it. So many of the priesthood holders that are usually close by were out of town also. My home teacher, Brody (My friend Amy's husband), Laine, Ben... Aaron called JD and had him come over. I feel bad that he had to come so far just to give us a blessing, but so grateful that he did. He gave each one of us such a wonderful blessing. He was so inspired to say just the right things for each person. It is yet again a terrifyingly spiritual experience. I know Heavenly Father had a hand in protecting my family that day.

We all still struggle with this memory. I don't think it is something that will ever go away. Even writing about it a month and a half later, my heart starts racing and I get tears in my eyes. Lindsey still wakes up crying and scared as she relives that day. Cassidy still can't hear the word reservoir without getting upset. I don't think we will be going back there. I know I should get my kids there, but I can't. Maybe next summer I will feel different about it.

Silver Lake

We went up to Silver Lake with JD & Laura, Grandma & Grandpa. We had a picnic and then walked around the lake. It was a nice way to spend a Sunday evening with family. It is so beautiful. These aren't great pictures.

Bowling - Summer Week 8

Dad had the day off for the 24th of July. We went to lunch at Costa Vida, bowling at Fat Catz and then a BBQ at Crit & Kalli's house.

Children's Gardens - Summer Week 7

We had a lot of fun with our Ashby cousin's at the Thanksgiving Point Children's Gardens.

Eden - Summer Fun Week 6

We went with the Roberts family to Eden. We had never been to this area before. It was so beautiful. I have so many pictures that I am trying to consolidate into a few.We had such a blast, that I don't want to skip anything.

We rented a great cabin that had plenty of room for everyone. It had a nice yard that the kids could go out and play most of the day.

We went over to Snow Basin and played Frisbee Golf. We let the kids just go for it, then the adults played behind them. The kids could only throw it about 2-10 ft, so it was very entertaining to watch. It took most of them around 50 throws to get to the basket. This was our first experience with Frisbee Golf. We had so much fun that I want to find a course around here and go again.

We played Minute to Win It Games

We had Smores on the BBQ

The grown ups had a Badminton Tournament

We went to Pineview Reservoir.

The lake was really high, I would guess 8 feet higher than normal. This is the largest beach area we could find. Pretty slim.

I think the majority of the time was spent on the trampoline.

I will probably get in trouble for posting this video, but the kids love it so much, how could I not?!

The kids had so much fun being with each other. I think we will have to go back again another year.

Chinese Students

We had a great opportunity to house two 5th grade students from Shanghai, China. Coco & Linda stayed at our house for 4 nights. There were 24 students staying at various houses throughout our neighborhood. During the day they went to classes at Providence Hall and then on field trips to Clark Planetarium, Thanksgiving Point Dinosaur Museum and the Copper Pit.

We took them to a pizza buffet at Rock Creek Pizza Co. and swimming at our pool.

We held Family Home Evening with a lesson on Choosing the Right. We gave them each a CTR necklace. Understanding that they aren't allowed to talk of other religions at home, we wanted to give them a universal message of making good choices. After our brief lesson we played Bocci Ball and had ice cream cones.

We left for vacation while they went to Yellowstone and Moab. When we got back they stayed with us for one more night before taking them to the airport. This was such a great experience for our kids. They learned that it doesn't matter where someone is from, we are all the same inside, in this case - boy crazy tweenage girls. :)

4th of July - Summer Week 5

This week began with me being called as the new Primary President in our ward. We have over 250 kids in our primary right now. Crazy! I am excited though. I think we are going to have a lot of fun.

On Sunday night my former roommate Tamsen and her family came to dinner. They moved to Phoenix two years ago. It was so much fun catching up with her. I've missed having her around. After they left we were watching the neighbors across the street light fireworks. One of the aerial fireworks with multiple shots tipped over and started shooting into the crowd across the street. It was very scary. An 11 yr old girl, Kaitlyn, got some pretty bad burns on her fingers that later turned into a staph infection.

On Monday we went to Grandma Roberts' house for a lunch BBQ. The kids played on slip n' slides, sprinklers, but best of all, they had a giant water fight with super soakers. It would have been perfect if the weather were a little warmer. Crazy that on the 4th of July it wasn't that warm outside.

After Grandma's house we went to our neighbor's the Cundiff's house. They hosted a BBQ for several families in the neighborhood. We had a lot of fun until the very end when we were watching fireworks. I have come to refer to it as a terrifyingly miraculous experience. The exact same thing happened this night. The aerial firework tipped, or exploded out the bottom making it tip and started shooting into the crowd. Only this time we were in the middle of the war zone. A few minutes before this happened Cassidy came to me and told me that Whitney had moved to the front. I had been moving her back because I was so scared from the last night. She really wanted to be by her friend. So she slowly kept moving closer. I watched her for a minute and was debating about whether it was worth the fight. I suddenly just had the feeling that I had to move her. I got her attention and I was in the driveway just starting my plea with her to stay back when I saw a firework land on the ground on the other side of the house. I grabbed her and Grant and covered them as things were exploding on the ground around us. Aaron was on the side of the house with Cassidy and Lindsey trying to protect them. There were probably 50 people in the crowd and the only injuries were two girls got minor burns when the firework landed on their blanket. The blanket was destroyed, but saved them from serious burns. Before I moved her, Whitney was lying on her stomach next to where these girls were. It would have been in her face. It was a miracle in so many ways. I am very grateful for Heavenly Father's protection of my family and our friends. I am so glad I listened to the prompting to move Whitney. All of the kids slept in our room that night. We were all shaken by this experience. We will probably never watch fireworks again.

Symphony, Bike Parade & More - Summer Week 4

We started this week off at Taylorsville Dayzz. Grandpa Ashby is a Vice Chair over the events. They usually have the Utah Symphony come one night, followed by fireworks. It is a lot of fun and a great way to have the kids experience a symphony without getting bored. They love to dance and enjoy the music. This year Grandpa gave us a ton of food vouchers and some tickets to the carnival. The kids were able to go on a few rides each. Whitney finally went on a Farris Wheel. Something she has always wanted to do. We had so much carnival food we were all sick. We never buy food at these things because it is so expensive, but with our food vouchers and people kept giving stuff to Steve, we had more than we could eat.

This week was also my birthday. Aaron gave me these flowers along with a new swim suit, dress, shorts and hair dryer.

After a quick breakfast of cinnamon rolls (my favorite), we headed out the door to our neighborhood patriotic bike parade. It started up by the reservoir. It is a very steep hill to get to the starting point. I didn't think the kids could make it up the hill, so I drove two bikes and the kids to the starting line. Poor Aaron had to ride his bike and the empty trailer to the top. He made it, barely. We are so out of shape!

Grandpa Ashby helped to decorate the bikes & trailer the night before when Aaron took me out to dinner for my birthday. They looked a lot better than if I had done it, wise decision on my part!

After the parade the firefighters came and hosed down the kids. Cass & Linds where soaked!

After we cleaned up from the parade we took the kids over to my mom's so that Aaron and I could go to his BYU MBA reunion. He had a great time reconnecting with classmates. I was bored out of my mind. Aaron felt bad for dragging me there on my birthday so he decided to take our family to see Cars 2. We never take the kids to a movie in a theater unless it is a $1 theater. It was a lot of fun.

For dinner we were trying to find something between Thanksgiving Point Theater and our house. I remembered that IKEA had Free Kids Meals July 1-4th so we took the kids to dinner there. I love their Swedish Meatballs!

Kind of a random, unique way to spend a birthday. I had a great time being with my family.